Calculating Connoisseur Gifts

'I forgot the question.'

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

"You call this a constitution?"

He acts all cool and feral until the can of food comes out. Jingle jingle jingle.

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

No caption. (Man wearing a cast is in traction. He imagines sheep lining up to jump fence. Sheep also wear casts.)

"JB wears many hats. He just can't delegate"

"Where the hell's my pocket calculator?"

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

The Personal ATM

"We feel you're over analyzing things a bit too much."

'Guess who made a bushel today?'

"I'm a huge proponent of control over speed."

NASA Hits Shuffle

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

STRIP Hambone: Computer addict

The Math Institute √π*962.9 KM

Snow White and the Seven Dorks.

Weinberg's egregious error would damage his reputation forever, His colleagues would thereafter refer to him as 'the big double dipper,

Go on! Pick a card.

'Oh-oh- planned obsolescence!'

'I don't know much about art, but I know what I like.'

"Mr. Reagan, do you swear to tell the truth..."

Stock marketeers shooting each other playfully with guns full of money

"I miscounted."

Ask Mr. Buck: Financial Advisor. "Dear Mr. Buck, Why do so many people have trouble with their finances?" Money talks, but it does not give directions. (Published previously on Nov. 15, 2004.)

"Don't forget, the market will take a sharp downturn on the stroke of midnight."

"I see a flaw in your financial calculation."

"With this app, I can track my savings. It counts cash, categorizes cash, and calculates cash interest."

"What am I, chopped liver?"

"We only shop brick and mortar because my husband likes to be disgruntled face-to-face when returning things."

"If I can control everyone around me it would help my damaged self esteem."

Laptop/mousetrap.

The Very Best of JOHN DOE