Combination Connoisseur Gifts

"I gave him 'the old one two' just like you told me to. But then he gave me 'the old three four'."

"You call this a constitution?"

"Well, it's disappointing: Young Master seems to use the term 'best friend' for anybody who pays him the slightest attention..."

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

S**t Threw a Goose

Man frozen in portrait pose.

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

Tomato's, Cucumber's, Apostrophe's.

Moliere

Charles Dickens.

Bleak House

'Now I'm going to lump all your nagging little worries into one big complex.'

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

'...and to commemorate 20 loyal years to the company, this gold plated sundial.'

'Your baseball card has more value than you do.'

Dmitri Shostakovich

The 'I'm Almost Finished With War And Peace' Bookmark

The Very Best of JOHN DOE

"What kind of take-out are you in the mood for: overpriced or overrated?"

Sergei Rachmaninov

When feud becomes best seller! Moby Dick vs Herman Melville!

"Waiter - this dish doesn't contain enough adjectives..!"

"Sorry we're taking so long, but it's the first time he's ever seen a menu that didn't offer a happy meal."

"I don't know - none of these cookies offer an engaging brand narrative."

Comb over club.

"I'm getting earthy overtones of guilt, with just a hint of sexual frustration."

Hair loss comb.

'She's going to six different psychiatrists for her compulsive comparison shopping problem.'

"What kind of moviemaking do we want to reinforce?"

"You should feel honoured. I don't sue anyone."

'Brilliant! Iconic 20th century imagery dripping with 21st century sarcasm.'

James Madison