Caffeine-free Crusader Gifts

'Sorry we don't do black decaf.'

'Herb has gone 100 caffeine-free.'

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Back to work...

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

'Missed again, eh, Bob? Maybe you should switch to decaf!'

You've Had Enough!

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

'It says right here on the package, Ed, 'avoid any direct contact with skin'!'

Coffee Shop and Battery Charging Station

"Don't talk to me before discover coffee."

I'd like a mocha almond vanilla latte...hold the coffee.

Real coffee vs usual vending machine stuff

What's your most popular drink? Why do you want to know? Why base your order on what other people are buying? Don't be a follower. Be your own man. If you're unfamiliar with a drink, ask what's in it and decide for yourself whether that sounds good. Or better yet, live a little. Take a risk. Choose a drink you've never had at random and see where it takes you. You only have one life. Don't live it following in the footsteps of other people. That's kind of harsh. No, it's the name of the drink.

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

'It's a Volksvegan...it runs on vegetable oil!'

"No caffè latte? And you call yourselves a bookstore?"

"If you think this is bad, you should see what they do to themselves"

I am coffee and I need more coffee

DIY Butchers

'I see you've managed to cut your coffee consumption in half.'

"I'm the bluebird of PMS. Fetch me some decaf and turn on the air conditioner. I'm burning up in here!"

"The seventh cup's the charm!"

'Fuel efficiency? I get about three times around the block on a peanut butter sandwich.'

'No thanks; can't handle caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, or number six birdshot.'

Coffee Overload: 'I'll have a low fat soy latte, no sugar, two biscotti...make that a Columbian-Kenyan bean bend...oh make it snappy, I'm in a hurry!'

Cafe. He's a caffeine addict. Nobody can match his intake. An espresso machine!

Triple espresso. Forget it, Uncle Mort. Your doctors said no caffeine. I am not your Uncle Mort, I am someone else altogether. Oh yeah? Who are you? I am … Drinkum … Coffeeman … Worthington-Smythe … of the Florida Coffeeman-Worthington-Smythes. You may have heard of us ... we're a family of um ... Troubadours. I, myself, wrote several ballads for the likes of Sinatra, Pat Boone, and Jimi Hendrix. So if I were to Google that right now, Google would confirm that? Google is an abomination!!! One ge

Fortunately the Pastor didn't realize it, but his wife's new 'mod' hat was actually a clever disguise for two canisters of coffee.

8 AM in the sleeper elevator car

'It gives me more energy than five grande espressos.'

'All I want to know is--when do I get to use the quadratic formula, political facts of South America, frog anatomy, the ecology of Johnson Creek, and the billions of other things I spent twelve years studying so diligently?'

Latte, numbskull. We offer zero percent financing. No money down and no interest for two weeks. You then make eight monthly payment at 25% interest. How greedy. Well, coincidentally, I'm offering 0% coffee in my mouth ... Uh-oh. 100% dumped on your head. Must finance new shirt.

I've never been in here before. What's your best drink? That'd be the Gambler's Mocha. Sounds interesting. What's in it? Oh … a little of this, a little of that. For all you know, it's a smooth blend of hand-mixed Amedei Porcelana dark chocolate from Tuscany ... and Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee beans, hand-picked by sherpas 5,000 feet above sea level precisely at sunset ... topped with a light whip of frozen Arctic sea foam, and black diamond cream from Dubai ... for all you know ... Or it coul

"I think it's time this cafe showed its commitment to LGBT rights."