Caffeine Crusaders Gifts

"No caffè latte? And you call yourselves a bookstore?"

Hey wannabe Steve Jobs, get me a coffee. In a sec. What? I'm live blogging my job. I'm writing a moment-by-moment account of the day and uploading it in real time to the web. Preparing for a massacre. Charming customer.

This is terrible! What? The far-right is boycotting our cafe. Our business is getting killed. How do they do it? How do they have so much power? Go on in. They're serving up a warm cup of eternal damnation. I thought it was Starbucks!

Evolution of man in the morning

'Welcome to the Road Rage Restuarant! What the @#&$ do you want?' 'Burger, fries, something heavily caffeinated, and step on it!'

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

We need a new eco project. Ok. Let's get locally grown food into the school cafeteria. What's our strategy? We can start with the potatoes. I'll make the poster. We want home fries.

Back to work...

'Missed again, eh, Bob? Maybe you should switch to decaf!'

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

You've Had Enough!

"Don't talk to me before discover coffee."

Coffee Shop and Battery Charging Station

What's your most popular drink? Why do you want to know? Why base your order on what other people are buying? Don't be a follower. Be your own man. If you're unfamiliar with a drink, ask what's in it and decide for yourself whether that sounds good. Or better yet, live a little. Take a risk. Choose a drink you've never had at random and see where it takes you. You only have one life. Don't live it following in the footsteps of other people. That's kind of harsh. No, it's the name of the drink.

Real coffee vs usual vending machine stuff

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

I am coffee and I need more coffee

'Sorry we don't do black decaf.'

The-We-Don't-Do-Cappuccino Bookshop

'I see you've managed to cut your coffee consumption in half.'

"But they taught me how to make a good, nutritious dinner."

Boss, what would you say if I told you that if you don't give me a raise, I'll go work somewhere else? I'd say "Wouldn't it be a shame if your letter of recommendation mentioned how you're an awful employee?" And I'd say "Isn't it a shame the town council has made sure this is the only cafe within fifty miles?" But the way, have you delivered my latest care packages to the council members? Very bad man.

"The seventh cup's the charm!"

"... And the cold foam cascara nitro goes to Lazarus!"

Coffee Overload: 'I'll have a low fat soy latte, no sugar, two biscotti...make that a Columbian-Kenyan bean bend...oh make it snappy, I'm in a hurry!'

Good morning and welcome to National Public Radio, you bloated capitalist swine!

Triple espresso. Forget it, Uncle Mort. Your doctors said no caffeine. I am not your Uncle Mort, I am someone else altogether. Oh yeah? Who are you? I am … Drinkum … Coffeeman … Worthington-Smythe … of the Florida Coffeeman-Worthington-Smythes. You may have heard of us ... we're a family of um ... Troubadours. I, myself, wrote several ballads for the likes of Sinatra, Pat Boone, and Jimi Hendrix. So if I were to Google that right now, Google would confirm that? Google is an abomination!!! One ge

Fortunately the Pastor didn't realize it, but his wife's new 'mod' hat was actually a clever disguise for two canisters of coffee.

Cafe. He's a caffeine addict. Nobody can match his intake. An espresso machine!

"If you really want to experience eternity...try waitin for global agreement on emissions reductions."

A well-balanced meal to a kid is a candy bar in each hand.

'It gives me more energy than five grande espressos.'

'This is my 7,623rd cappuccino to date.'

What to serve to meet most dietary restrictions

'All I want to know is--when do I get to use the quadratic formula, political facts of South America, frog anatomy, the ecology of Johnson Creek, and the billions of other things I spent twelve years studying so diligently?'