Caffeine-free Afficionado Gifts

'No thanks; can't handle caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, or number six birdshot.'

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Eternal Student.

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

"I'll wait a moment for everyone's energy drink to kick in."

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

Back to work...

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

Office Supplies/Coffee Supplies.

"AHHHH, MORNING!"

"Two vegans, please."

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"Bad morning. I was running late and skipped my coffee, diet soda, energy drink and Ritalin."

"The more coffee I drink, the more these motivational posters make sense."

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

Allegro con molto espresso

"The bags under my eyes have combined to form some kind of face backpack."

You've Had Enough!

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

Writers without borders.

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

"I'm trying to lure in Generation X-ers. They're the new sandwich generation. They're sandwiched between caring for their kids and caring for their parents. So they drink lots and lots of coffee."

'Would you all please congatulate...'

'I see you're still trying to get the staff enthused over the weekly meetings.' (Meeting offers free coffee, free snacks, eye-popping charts, exciting videos and free idea pads).

Mea Maxima Cuppa

"The Wi-Fi password is publish 'publish or perish'."

'What's holding him up?'

"I've decided to make myself another cup of coffee!"

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.