Caffeine-free Connoisseur Gifts

The Decafé

Circa 1928, The Reese's Candy laboratory.

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

Eternal Student.

Selling lemon latt�

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

"I'll wait a moment for everyone's energy drink to kick in."

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

"At this office no two days are different."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

'These are job perks.'

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

"She'll have a semi-wizened, double ristretto with a dot of quail's milk - and please recite a poem while you make it."

You've Had Enough!

"Those new coffee drones are really starting to get on my nerves."

"AHHHH, MORNING!"

Office Supplies/Coffee Supplies.

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

'Yes I know I'm intelligent and famous, but I'd trade it all for a good old belly scratching.'

Wasting away again in Cappuccinoville.

"Bad morning. I was running late and skipped my coffee, diet soda, energy drink and Ritalin."

Allegro con molto espresso

'Would you all please congatulate...'

"Good morning Rudy. I suppose you're wondering why I've summond you....It's time for your annual performance review...."

'Who gets the decaf?'

"I'm trying to lure in Generation X-ers. They're the new sandwich generation. They're sandwiched between caring for their kids and caring for their parents. So they drink lots and lots of coffee."

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

Espresso Martini Peacock

"Motivational seminars are too expensive. Just buy stronger coffee."

Writers without borders.

Law School teacher.