Cafeteria Charmer Gifts

'I can never open those sachets of sauce.' (Thinks: I think she's falling for my saucy schmooze!'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

'Is that the smell of fear? Or is it just Meatloaf Monday in the cafeteria?'

'We like bright, new employees who aren't afraid to take some risks. By the way... how are those clam fritters?'

"I didn't realize there was so many different kinds of vegetables!"

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

"The biggest mystery in my life is whether I get a peanut butter and jelly or a tuna fish sandwich!"

"I didn't know they could make so many entrees with vegetables!"

"I'll have the 'All you can eat from the menu, the kitchen, and the dumpster' special."

Vending machines: Caffeine, Sugar and Carbs.

"My depression is currently being treated with a combination of prescription medication and low-fat frozen yogurt."

Have you ever sued anyone for slander or libel, Randy? Indeed I have, little buddy. It was 1979. Francis Melba stood up in the middle of the cafeteria and accused me - in front of all the other kids - of being "nothing special." So I stood atop my table, ripped my shirt in two, slowly smoothed out my mustache, and then proceeded to flex my pecs, one at a time. HOJ. The sunlight streaming in through the windows scattered off my bouncing pecs like a disco ball. That's when Melba knew he was toast.

"Herbert, don't! This is a gourmet coffee shop! You order instant de-caf and there's going to be trouble!"

"They love me...they really, really love me!"

High school sophomore Kyle Rimnard tests his theory that cafeteria meatloaf cures acne.

'No, he's right. Cows have three udders. One for skim milk, one for two percent and the third one's for lactose free.'

"At last...after so many missed days...so many cruel days apart...we are together once again!"

'C'mon. Just a few counties can't hurt.'

"Yesterday's weenies have migrated in with today's nuggets."

"What is friendship if not constant amateurish psychoanalysis?"

"We use the cheapest ingredients and pass the savings on to you."

'Chocolate pudding to start...it'll deaden your appetite.'

"Well if bread's free, and gravy's free, how about bread and gravy?"

'It's called ‘Shared Risk.' You taste the Okra Casserole and I'll try the Tuna Surprise.'

"Principal Gomez! What are you doing here? Don't you in your office."

Bad For You: A Restaurant

"Hey, aren't you the guy who faces everyone on the elevator?"

"Welcome to the alcohol-free, non-dairy, gluten-free, vegetarian, vegan cafe. May I take your order?"

No, pal, I don't know if the chicken is free-range.

"Look at that brand-new building! I hear it has a cafeteria, a lounge and valet parking! I have to go!"