Cafeteria Comedian Gifts

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

'It's called ‘Shared Risk.' You taste the Okra Casserole and I'll try the Tuna Surprise.'

"Principal Gomez! What are you doing here? Don't you in your office."

"I'll have the 'All you can eat from the menu, the kitchen, and the dumpster' special."

No personal food trays.

'We like bright, new employees who aren't afraid to take some risks. By the way... how are those clam fritters?'

'How much is your coffee please?'

'No, he's right. Cows have three udders. One for skim milk, one for two percent and the third one's for lactose free.'

"Hey, aren't you the guy who faces everyone on the elevator?"

"You know, everybody says cafeteria food is good for nothing...but I disagree."

"Welcome to the alcohol-free, non-dairy, gluten-free, vegetarian, vegan cafe. May I take your order?"

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"The meeting will come to order."

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

'Mr. Dawson, about when I said 'don't pull any punches'...'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'