Cafeteria Humor Enthusiast Gifts

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"And where have you previously moused?"

"Give me all the caffeine you have."

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

"Here's some of my work for you to do. It should be a refreshing change...for me."

"I can't decide who gets the promotion, so we'll settle it with a rope toy Tug O' War."

"Here's to non-electric sharpeners."

'Face it, we're never going to reach a consensus.'

'In the computer simulation he said he admired my candor and gave me a raise.'

Should not have put that suggestion in the suggestion box.'

"I was going to tell you it's a jungle out there, but I realize that's probably old news to you."

...The computer says you can handle 20 more work

'It's not fair. Women doing the same job I'm doing in this office are being paid more than I am!'

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."

Batsford doesn't suffer fools gladly.

'I've collected my memos into one reasonably priced gift book.'

"Confounded spell checker... never catches anything."

'We're very proud of you, Jenkins. Keep up the good work.'

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

'She finally made employee of the month but she paid the ultimate price.'

'Hawaii can wait. These reports cannot.'

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

"Of course I've been drinking!"

"Next on the agenda: How can we crush workers' spirit, while appearing to care?"

We have a nice selection of office artifacts, a typewriter, carbon paper, ashtrays, our CEO's last handwritten memo...

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'