Cafeteria Comic Gifts

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

'Chocolate pudding to start...it'll deaden your appetite.'

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

'You've had enough!'

'We like bright, new employees who aren't afraid to take some risks. By the way... how are those clam fritters?'

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

"The early bird may get the worm, but the late bird gets delicious table scraps."

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the grande size anymore without a prescription.'

Vending machines: Caffeine, Sugar and Carbs.

"My depression is currently being treated with a combination of prescription medication and low-fat frozen yogurt."

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

'Eating again. What's happened to your weight lifting?'

"A barista should always follow his instincts."

The vow of silence. Some days it was really hard to keep.

'First you feel shock, then anger, and finally remorse. It's the three stages of grief when buying the tuna sandwich.'

"Oh, how nice. You're just in time to cut the vegetables,"

'C'mon. Just a few counties can't hurt.'

'No, he's right. Cows have three udders. One for skim milk, one for two percent and the third one's for lactose free.'

"Somebody found a finger in a salad?!"

"At last...after so many missed days...so many cruel days apart...we are together once again!"

"What is friendship if not constant amateurish psychoanalysis?"

"There's a fly in my soup."

"We use the cheapest ingredients and pass the savings on to you."

"Well if bread's free, and gravy's free, how about bread and gravy?"

'It's called ‘Shared Risk.' You taste the Okra Casserole and I'll try the Tuna Surprise.'

Never declare a food fight on artichoke day!

"Principal Gomez! What are you doing here? Don't you in your office."

'Charles knew Tad was about to snap. Quarterly profits were weak, the network was compromised and now, Tuesday's Brussel Sprout medley in the cafeteria lingered through Thursday.'

"Wanna trade an Easter ham salad for an Easter egg salad?"

"My parents are extreme vegans. I'm not allowed to have a piggy bank."