Café Comic Gifts

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the grande size anymore without a prescription.'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

"Finches, don't look now, but there's a creepy guy staring at our beaks."

"She'll have a semi-wizened, double ristretto with a dot of quail's milk - and please recite a poem while you make it."

'Missed again, eh, Bob? Maybe you should switch to decaf!'

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

Grandma's caf

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

'You've had enough!'

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

Ye Old Cafe: No Coffee Today - Sore Arm!

Coffee

'We like bright, new employees who aren't afraid to take some risks. By the way... how are those clam fritters?'

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

Coffee Menu

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

'Careful, this used to be hot.'

I've got to monitor all chatter in the cafe to prevent future pastry thefts. I don't know … What if you've got a scone thief for a neighbor, or a friend, or even a family member? Sure, today it's just a scone. But the next attack could be huge – the big one! You don't mean … Hoagie. They're trying to destroy our whole way of life.

"We'll always hate Paris."

"I'll have the 'All you can eat from the menu, the kitchen, and the dumpster' special."

"Whole bean or ground relentlessly to dust?"

"Let's see, now, that's cappuccino, cappuccino, cappuccino, and cappuccino—right?"

'Ridiculously Expensive Coffee.'

'This decaf's lousy.'

Boss, what would you say if I told you that if you don't give me a raise, I'll go work somewhere else? I'd say "Wouldn't it be a shame if your letter of recommendation mentioned how you're an awful employee?" And I'd say "Isn't it a shame the town council has made sure this is the only cafe within fifty miles?" But the way, have you delivered my latest care packages to the council members? Very bad man.

Bookuccino. A melding of book and drink.

'A cafe is just a failed restaurant really, isn't it?'

'Dulcifying araneids didn't make them any more sapid.'

"Herbert, don't! This is a gourmet coffee shop! You order instant de-caf and there's going to be trouble!"

"Welcome to The Cable Cafe. Your waiter will be with you between now and 5:00PM."