Café Comedians Gifts

A waiter strictly adhering to his religion

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"Think outside the box but never forget who owns the box."

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

'Missed again, eh, Bob? Maybe you should switch to decaf!'

My brilliant career

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

'Not here - home!'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

The new boss brought a sense of urgency.

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

Cafe Burns.

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

"Of course I've been drinking!"

'You've had enough!'

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

'We like bright, new employees who aren't afraid to take some risks. By the way... how are those clam fritters?'

Man leaving his office with his computer tangled around his leg,

"Sorry, you can't cash in your vacation time. Since you didn't use it, tell it Bon Voyage!"

"I'm sorry, but Fred isn't available. He's spending a few days in the penalty box for not being a good team player. May I help you?"

"We've decided to give you a bonus, Rick. It's any change you find under the cushions."

"Want to go watch the people who get to leave at a normal hour?"

"Ok Watson, what have you dreamed up?"

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

"Guess we are going to the coffee shop!"

Hirer to employee handing him lighted hat: 'You'll be starting at the bottom.'

My client is claiming that you have discriminated against him as a species, that your refusal to let him sniff client's bottoms is against his canine rights and that your policies have acted against him reaching partnership.

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

"I've called this meeting so I could see all of you squirm."