Coffee Comedians Gifts

You've renamed your small coffee? It's called a big now. That's absurd! It's the same size - the smallest size! It's marketing hooey! Why not call this napkin a scone?! Careful. Huh? Brilliant! Sale on scones! Oh dear.

'Did you ever realize that we're really drinking coffee out of large sippy cups?'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

'Missed again, eh, Bob? Maybe you should switch to decaf!'

"Of course I've been drinking!"

'You've had enough!'

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

"Guess we are going to the coffee shop!"

"Simple tasks were a challenge for Chad. Awww, geez. Another upside down spoon."

"The project must be failing! The manager just suggested I take all the credit for it!"

'Stocks rose on news engineers are close to developing a car that runs on lattes!'

'This decaf's lousy.'

"Welcome to The Cable Cafe. Your waiter will be with you between now and 5:00PM."

'Are salary increases automaric, or do I have to work for them?'

Memory Foam Mattress.

'Looks like another typical caffeine overdose.'

"Well, team....time to trade our 'You Got This!' coffee mugs to the 'Mistakes Were Made' mugs."

"Whoa! Just decaf today. I only had 15 hours of sleep yesterday."

'Sorry, Bob, but I'm having trouble taking our relationship seriously.'

"Some people call me a ball-buster, but I prefer cojones-crusher."

"Our breakfast burrito is just like our lunch burrito, except it contains 876 mgs of caffeine."

"I like to keep my option open."

'What do you mean you're a vegetarian?'

To make your computer faster, please pour two cups of Espresso into your CD drive.

'Okay children, who knows the actions to I'm A Little Espresso Machine?'

Heirlooms of Tomorrow

"Is that decaf?"

'Waiter, a café with chairs, tables and two coffees please!'

Tea Cup Ride

"Ho ordered the Cafe au Lait?"

"There's a fly in my soup."

"It's my in-tray!"

A waiter strictly adhering to his religion

"Wanna trade an Easter ham salad for an Easter egg salad?"