Cafeteria Gifts

SWAT Team.

No personal food trays.

"Your family is pretty messed up."

We need a new eco project. Ok. Let's get locally grown food into the school cafeteria. What's our strategy? We can start with the potatoes. I'll make the poster. We want home fries.

School Cafeteria. It's the start of the school year. The Geometry teacher will come by to verify that we're serving truly square meals. The grammar teacher says the alphabet soup is runny and needs some punctuation added. History teachers keep a record of all the past meals and so will notice any leftovers being served. And the computer lab staff expressed concern about all the cookies so the astronomy teacher suggested switching to candy for dessert. I'll bet she thinks Starburst and Milk

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Cafe Burns.

Raphnrrf? Raphnrrf? Umpha? Frfee? Maamr? Pick.

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

"It's a pumpkin spice latte pie latte."

'Is that the smell of fear? Or is it just Meatloaf Monday in the cafeteria?'

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

"The biggest mystery in my life is whether I get a peanut butter and jelly or a tuna fish sandwich!"

"I didn't realize there was so many different kinds of vegetables!"

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

"The early bird may get the worm, but the late bird gets delicious table scraps."

"I tried to hire a hamburger fry cook from a fast food joint for our cafeteria but he wouldn't take the cut in pay."

"I didn't know they could make so many entrees with vegetables!"

Vending machines: Caffeine, Sugar and Carbs.

"My depression is currently being treated with a combination of prescription medication and low-fat frozen yogurt."

"Oh yes, I proudly served."

"Don't think you can just put the on the costume and replace Jeff."

"They love me...they really, really love me!"

'Eating again. What's happened to your weight lifting?'

The vow of silence. Some days it was really hard to keep.

"Herbert, don't! This is a gourmet coffee shop! You order instant de-caf and there's going to be trouble!"

Biocafeteraologist

Man from 'Environmental Health visits a caf� run by bugs

Storefront reading "Net 'n' Nosh (Formerly Books 'n' Java)"

'First you feel shock, then anger, and finally remorse. It's the three stages of grief when buying the tuna sandwich.'

Wow, you're right! Your mom's regurgitated worms are way better than my mom's!

'Too late. The spelling test was first period.'