Cafeteria Meals Gifts

School Cafeteria. I'm beginning to understand why the first-graders eat paste. (Published originally on Jan. 11, 1995.)

We need a new eco project. Ok. Let's get locally grown food into the school cafeteria. What's our strategy? We can start with the potatoes. I'll make the poster. We want home fries.

School Cafeteria. It's the start of the school year. The Geometry teacher will come by to verify that we're serving truly square meals. The grammar teacher says the alphabet soup is runny and needs some punctuation added. History teachers keep a record of all the past meals and so will notice any leftovers being served. And the computer lab staff expressed concern about all the cookies so the astronomy teacher suggested switching to candy for dessert. I'll bet she thinks Starburst and Milk

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

Raphnrrf? Raphnrrf? Umpha? Frfee? Maamr? Pick.

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

Cafe Burns.

"There are no croutons. I use tater tots on my salad."

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

"It's a pumpkin spice latte pie latte."

"Dad, did you know Tia Carmen got a job at my school cafeteria?"

"The biggest mystery in my life is whether I get a peanut butter and jelly or a tuna fish sandwich!"

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

"I didn't realize there was so many different kinds of vegetables!"

'As if school lunches weren't bad enough. Now, they have to be nutritious!'

"Of course I love school...but I love no more cafeteria food more."

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

"The early bird may get the worm, but the late bird gets delicious table scraps."

"I tried to hire a hamburger fry cook from a fast food joint for our cafeteria but he wouldn't take the cut in pay."

Vending machines: Caffeine, Sugar and Carbs.

"My depression is currently being treated with a combination of prescription medication and low-fat frozen yogurt."

"Don't think you can just put the on the costume and replace Jeff."

The vow of silence. Some days it was really hard to keep.

"Oh yes, I proudly served."

'Eating again. What's happened to your weight lifting?'

Man from 'Environmental Health visits a caf� run by bugs

Biocafeteraologist

"They love me...they really, really love me!"

Storefront reading "Net 'n' Nosh (Formerly Books 'n' Java)"

'First you feel shock, then anger, and finally remorse. It's the three stages of grief when buying the tuna sandwich.'

"Our food supervisor used to be a military cook."

'Too late. The spelling test was first period.'

"At last...after so many missed days...so many cruel days apart...we are together once again!"