Buried Treasure Enthusiast Gifts

"Is this the best investment strategy you could come up with?"

A treasure map shows you all the roads without tolls.

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

Treasure Island Book.

Pirates: "To absent Limbs."

"...it's another metal detector."

"Yes Sir, we have secret storage locations all over the forest, so we can safely manage your favourite bone and toy..."

"You're right! It is a mezuzah!"

"Aha! - Proof that this is definitely an iron-age site..."

'Treasure map nothing! This shows the location of the only coffee shop on the island.'

First aid and sculpture

"Armstrong, why do we have Fourth of July decorations up? It's months away." "Exactly." "A true patriot loves his country regardless of the date." "A true patriot celebrates the founding of our corporatocracy every single day of the year, minion." "Some of the decorations are smeared with coffee grounds and banana peels." "A true patriot knows that one cafe's dumpster is another cafe's treasure."

National Pottery Live

The crew of the pirate ship 'The Bearded Lady' celebrate their greatest booty haul ever.

"This coin must be 2,000 years old. Try not to put this one in a pop machine."

Pirates

'Well it took us five years to find it, but we finally did... now if we can just locate the key, we'll be rich!'

Man looking at 2 stone godesses, one with many arms, one with many breasts.

'When I stressed how vital data security is, I should have mentioned the importance of convenient access...'

"She has to find just the right spot."

"Oh, good! Lucille is sending me some stuff!"

Archaeologists

An ancient Roman looks at a the bottom of a clay pot and sees a bar code.

'Safe for use in Micro-wave.'

'This is the museum's vault of 'Mislaid Masterpieces' which we 'come across quite by chance' from time to time.'

"It'll be up to the markets to decide how important a discovery this is."

Ancient man

'This looks like a good spot.'

An oyster shows off it has a diamond instead of a pearl.

'What can you possible see in this piece of junk?'

'Hey, didn't you paint that?'

'Don't get too excited, I made the same mistake when I first arrived: It's plastic...'

'Ancient bones. Early man. Valuable. Probably Uncle Fred.'

Beer Wine Spirits. Candy. Chips. If I'm paying that much for 20-year-old scotch, I'm going to need to see some I.D.!