Bird Rearing Gifts

Old lady in wheelchair commenting on pet cochin fowl dressed in human clothes

'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"Finches, don't look now, but there's a creepy guy staring at our beaks."

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"You've been so good to us all these years. Is there anything we can do to repay you?"

'Since I'm new here, let's start by clearning the air. You may have noticed that I'm short for a C.E.O. . .'

Sign in tree from bird "next appearance 3:00 pm"

'Trust me, there's nobody to rescue that way...'

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

'You know too much!'

"This has nothing to do with you ... this is between us and the tree."

"Just kick back and enjoy this. These are the nest years of our lives!"

They try, but those crows can't make noises they used to. The lost caws!

Pigeon Little

How about going easy on the carbs

'Son, it's time we had that little talk about ornithology and entomology.'

So you're a mocking bird...

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

'What was that?!' 'A 'Mach'-ing bird.'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

Wanted For Bird Watching: Reward

'Will you please stop feeding the pigeons?!'

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

Canada Goose Jackets

'I got tired of wet feet all the time.'

Bird Torture.

"Just don’t tell the other vultures. I’ll never hear the end of it."

Spring Training

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

"It started rather well, but then, you sang two wrong notes, so that's a fail in my book. Try again at the next mating season..."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'