Bird Handler Gifts

A man with a bird perched on his finger.

'Why do you keep his head covered?' (Ugly bird).

No Hawkers...

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"If you ask me, wearing these things only makes them nervous."

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

So you're a mocking bird...

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

"I don't actually talk, I just mimic sounds."

Pushy Dog

'The word bath is mentioned.'

"I'm interested in working with animals and deliveries."

'There! Now he's tied to my satisfaction and ready for surgery!'

Birds doing the 'wave'.

'Rex! Have you been counting the sheep again?'

'Will you stop! You know that freaks me out!'

"He did it!"

"There you go with that typical police mentality."

"Oh my God with the singing!"

"3:14 p.m. Suspect drives to lakeside resort. Rents rowboat under false name. Tosses evidence into... wait, how do I tell anyone?" Topper: Undercover police dog

"Maybe I've been brainwashed, but at this point I do believe I actually want a goddamn cracker."

'Look...it's almost empty! Those pesky birds need to quit stealin' the food out of this squirrel feeder!'

I think you started off sending him the wrong message when you named him Alpha.

'I wish I could do Search and Rescue too: When you're a Police Dog, the people you find don't actually want to be found...'

A recurring crisis at the Farkinski farm

'Did you read my email about Timmy falling down the well?'

'Damn showdog people!'

"She barks once for drugs, twice for weapons, and ten times for candy bars."

"He does impressions too!"

"Listen, buddy, a lot of dogs accidentally wee-wee at Westminster."

'He's a sniffer dog-trained to sniff out dope.'

Police Dept. K-9 Unit. Just once I'd like to go undercover as a bad dog.

"I lost my way and wandered through this white hell for five days before your brave rescue dog found me and saved me from starving to death!"

"Yeah, but it doesn't smell like a bomb!"

'My husband and I are real bird lovers.'