Bible Teacher Gifts

"It sounds like Jonah went fishing, and the story got better every time he told it."

''No other gods before me'? Oh - You're one of THOSE types.'

"Since Jesus keeps changing our names, I thought name tags would be nice."

"Moses, some of the people are requesting gluten free manna."

"Behold the secret to happiness."

Coping with a strong-willed child

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"My homework ate my dog."

Early Piety

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"Nobody's perfect, but we're working on it."

Dog forced to return bone

"He wants to study bacteria to relate to the counter culture."

'Don't be embarrassed ? when I first attained Nirvana, I wet my pants, too.'

Noah's ark, many lions

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

Bible Bloopers

"Perhaps if you guys just swam along behind us for a while."

Guru.

'It says, 'Life is like a transistor.''

"Pssst! - Gerald, you've mutated again. . ."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

'I'll be back in three or four months - Hold that thought.'

"That, believe it or not, is also a mammal."

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

"Wow, Jesus. That lesson rocked, someone should write this stuff down."

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'