Bible Teacher Pillows

"It sounds like Jonah went fishing, and the story got better every time he told it."

''No other gods before me'? Oh - You're one of THOSE types.'

"Since Jesus keeps changing our names, I thought name tags would be nice."

"Moses, some of the people are requesting gluten free manna."

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

Coping with a strong-willed child

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

Young Dr. Dolittle.

Early Piety

"My homework ate my dog."

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"Nobody's perfect, but we're working on it."

Dog forced to return bone

"He wants to study bacteria to relate to the counter culture."

'Don't be embarrassed ? when I first attained Nirvana, I wet my pants, too.'

'There is no past. No future. Only the present, which is changing every instant. Time is merely an illusion. Got it?'

'It says, 'Life is like a transistor.''

Bible Bloopers

Noah's ark, many lions

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

School. I like solving problems with X's and Y's, so I'll probably go into either math or genetics!

"Perhaps if you guys just swam along behind us for a while."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

Guru.

'I'll be back in three or four months - Hold that thought.'

"Pssst! - Gerald, you've mutated again. . ."

"That, believe it or not, is also a mammal."