Bible Teachers Gifts

'How do we know YOU'RE not bearing false witness?'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

Henrik Ibsen,

'There is no past. No future. Only the present, which is changing every instant. Time is merely an illusion. Got it?'

'Don't be embarrassed ? when I first attained Nirvana, I wet my pants, too.'

Bible Bloopers

'I'll be back in three or four months - Hold that thought.'

"Perhaps if you guys just swam along behind us for a while."

Noah's ark, many lions

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

Guru.

"Moses, some of the people are requesting gluten free manna."

'It says, 'Life is like a transistor.''

"Wow, Jesus. That lesson rocked, someone should write this stuff down."

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

Nun Binning the Devil

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."

"Make me one with everything!"

"It's ok -- It's the Enlightenment Channel."

''No other gods before me'? Oh - You're one of THOSE types.'

All we have in life is this moment...

'If all your friends were looting and pillaging, would you do it, too?'

'I suppose you're entitled to your opinion, but I still say that Shemp was the greatest of them all.'

"'I think, therefore I am'? - How illusory can you GET?"

"The answers to the questions you seek could also be found on Google."

Man can levitate but can't hold fingers properly.

'The Meaning of Life? -- you don't have a bad ticker, do you?'

"Well, it gets lonely up here!"

'We have to move - they're putting in a cell phone tower up here.'

"OK, now what's the meaning of the other eight?"