Bible Teachers Gifts

'How do we know YOU'RE not bearing false witness?'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'Don't be embarrassed ? when I first attained Nirvana, I wet my pants, too.'

Henrik Ibsen,

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

Noah's ark, many lions

Bible Bloopers

'It says, 'Life is like a transistor.''

Guru.

"Perhaps if you guys just swam along behind us for a while."

'I'll be back in three or four months - Hold that thought.'

"Moses, some of the people are requesting gluten free manna."

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

"Wow, Jesus. That lesson rocked, someone should write this stuff down."

"Make me one with everything!"

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."

Nun Binning the Devil

"It's ok -- It's the Enlightenment Channel."

''No other gods before me'? Oh - You're one of THOSE types.'

All we have in life is this moment...

'If all your friends were looting and pillaging, would you do it, too?'

'The Meaning of Life? -- you don't have a bad ticker, do you?'

"'I think, therefore I am'? - How illusory can you GET?"

'I understand the Adirondacks are where it's REALLY happening.'

"The answers to the questions you seek could also be found on Google."

"OK, now what's the meaning of the other eight?"

Man can levitate but can't hold fingers properly.

'God sees everything? You mean He channel surfs?'