Beach Banter Gifts

"I'm never using SPF zero again."

Castro's successful invasion of miami beach.

Mobsters at the Beach

"Like you, I'm a bit of a glutton, but I need to monitor my food intake otherwise I could be too heavy to fly..."

"Everybody out of the water! Lawyer!"

"It's my wife - she's trying to lure ships to their doom!"

'I'm in hock up to my ears, I work in a dead-end job for eight bucks an hour, my wife and girlfriend are both pregnant - and you think you need help!'

Desert Island Gossipping

'I am wearing my bikini!'

'We were playing doctor until she hit me with a malpractice suit!'

'She's always got to go one better.' (Two catty ladies knitting, talking about the other lady at a loom).

"Wow, cool fangs! Are you a vampire too?"

"Ever notice that you finish my sentences and. . ."

Sure, she could talk the talk, but couldn't walk the walk, shock the jock, lock the dock or even hawk a little sunblock.

'Erica, you're a cutie and I really like you, but your way to do French kissing makes me nervous!'

'Did you know that they can listen in to our telephone conversations?'

'Whoah - surfs up!'

'POSTED! TOPLESS BATHERS ONLY BEYOND THIS POINT!'

'Last week he gave me artificial recreation.'

And today's winner of a special place in Hell is...Guys who wear bikini style bathing suits to the beach...

Man falling out of a bathing machine

'We found it washed up on the beach and thought it would make a nice water feature.'

'It keeps Harold from oogling all of the bathing beauties.'

The Leathery, Shapeless speedo sporter.

'The pay's good and the fresh air is great but, man, talk about a hostile work environment!'

"Have you heard about what the fiberglass in surfboards can do to you?"

'How long have you been a life-guard Mister?'

'Now remember, smile and try and wiggle 'em.' - The discarded box is labelled Falsies.

'You! Shame on you!'

Muscle bound freak scares man to death then buries him in sand.

"You called?"

'Hang in there, buddy! I know CPR!'

Donkey Rides - Not for overweight children.

'How was I meant to know it was only for men?'

One day on Mussel Beach.