Beachside Banterers Gifts

"Like you, I'm a bit of a glutton, but I need to monitor my food intake otherwise I could be too heavy to fly..."

'He's going to be an estate agent, just like his Dad.'

Mobsters at the Beach

"Ooo... she sounds nice... 'I enjoy burying myself in the sand and sideways walks on the beach.'"

"Everybody out of the water! Lawyer!"

"It's my wife - she's trying to lure ships to their doom!"

'Typical male: Too proud to ask for directions or take advice! Look at us now!'

A beach has meters.

Desert Island Gossipping

'I am wearing my bikini!'

'For Harland, every vacation is a working vacation.'

Sure, she could talk the talk, but couldn't walk the walk, shock the jock, lock the dock or even hawk a little sunblock.

'She's always got to go one better.' (Two catty ladies knitting, talking about the other lady at a loom).

On A Polluted Beach

'A working vacation, your honor?'

"Wow, cool fangs! Are you a vampire too?"

'I wanted a burial service, he wanted cremation, so I decided to compromise and have him clambaked.'

"I've heard of a 'camel toe' but that is ridiculous."

'Whoah - surfs up!'

'Did you know that they can listen in to our telephone conversations?'

And today's winner of a special place in Hell is...Guys who wear bikini style bathing suits to the beach...

Man falling out of a bathing machine

"Out of curiosity. . . how much vacation time would I get?"

'The pay's good and the fresh air is great but, man, talk about a hostile work environment!'

"Have you heard about what the fiberglass in surfboards can do to you?"

The Leathery, Shapeless speedo sporter.

"You called?"

"I'm never using SPF zero again."

Donkey Rides - Not for overweight children.

'Hang in there, buddy! I know CPR!'

'How was I meant to know it was only for men?'

'Just here to chat' lane in a swimming pool.

'Martin doesn't like the sun...He prefers it in the shade!'