Beach Chatter Gifts

Desert Island Gossipping

'One more for me an Tiffany, and one more for you and the road.'

"Like you, I'm a bit of a glutton, but I need to monitor my food intake otherwise I could be too heavy to fly..."

"It's my wife - she's trying to lure ships to their doom!"

Death chatting in a pub - "The scythe?...Oh that went years ago. I've got a brand new combine harvester in the car park!"

'Please don't encourage them: Stop trying to communicate with them...'

'A packet o' crisps, and have one for yersel'.'

'I wish somebody would say something.'

A Stray Curmudgeon in a Field of Perennial Optimists.

"Want to come over Sunday, watch the game, and help me start dreading Monday?"

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"Everyone's so nosy. They act like they want to be left along, but they're always nonchalantly eavesdropping on everyone else....some more nonchalantly than others."

'Now his mother's gone, she's nowhere to slink off to and watch tripe on t'telly!

'I'm having trouble with drinking. . . I'm getting Arthritis in my elbow.'

"Doctor, I find you very easy to talk to."

Business Vacation.

MAN OF THE YEAR, 'You must come here a lot.'

'No, I don't like them, their shirts make me look fat.'

'The bar's famous for its high spirits.'

"They said it had a V-8, so I assumed it would run on tomato juice!"

"Omigod, you have such a cute smile!"

'I am wearing my bikini!'

Ramblers Association

'I've never been superstitious...touch wood'

'She's always got to go one better.' (Two catty ladies knitting, talking about the other lady at a loom).

"Wine improves with age."

Sure, she could talk the talk, but couldn't walk the walk, shock the jock, lock the dock or even hawk a little sunblock.

"I put an olive in my beer and turn it into a health drink."

'Did you know that they can listen in to our telephone conversations?'

"Wow, that was short. You only talked for 45 minutes. What happened?"

Man falling out of a bathing machine

'We found it washed up on the beach and thought it would make a nice water feature.'

"… then I found a million cash in my desk drawer. I can't tell you what a boost that was."