Sea Chatter Gifts

'Please don't encourage them: Stop trying to communicate with them...'

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

'Thanks mum, it's just what I always wanted!'

"Give her some space! She's overdosing on baby talk!"

"At least their bull sessions are green. Everything they say is 100% biodegradable."

"I could have been a big celebrity but for my fear of public speaking."

Phone solicitors like customers who are afraid to hang up.

Fish in Water Cooler.

"Well I got a dog because I wanted to spend more time brushing hair off my clothes, and picking up poop."

"You're not fooling me. I can spot 'fake mews'."

'Are you in here tonight?'

'I wish somebody would say something.'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"You are sooooo 'grazed!'"

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

"I'd love to talk. I'm on a train!"

'I'm having trouble with drinking. . . I'm getting Arthritis in my elbow.'

Well look, I'm afraid I really must run...

"BOL means Barking Out Loud."

"Can you believe English isn't the official language here?"

'The only reason I come to work in the office now is to talk about sports.'

"No problem, B. J. I can talk and baste at the same time."

Desert Island Gossipping

MAN OF THE YEAR, 'You must come here a lot.'

"Doctor, I find you very easy to talk to."

'No, I don't like them, their shirts make me look fat.'

"They said it had a V-8, so I assumed it would run on tomato juice!"

'I tell you what: Mistress' lap was so much more comfortable before she started her diet...'

New Space Shuttle Mission: Deployment of the First Orbiting Telemarketer

"We had him neutered,"

"This is the wine talking."

'I accidentally sent this week's data charts to the 3-D printer.'

'I really don't miss the water cooler.'