Sea Chatter Pillows

'Please don't encourage them: Stop trying to communicate with them...'

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

"Give her some space! She's overdosing on baby talk!"

'Thanks mum, it's just what I always wanted!'

"At least their bull sessions are green. Everything they say is 100% biodegradable."

"I could have been a big celebrity but for my fear of public speaking."

Phone solicitors like customers who are afraid to hang up.

"Well I got a dog because I wanted to spend more time brushing hair off my clothes, and picking up poop."

Fish in Water Cooler.

"You're not fooling me. I can spot 'fake mews'."

'Are you in here tonight?'

'I wish somebody would say something.'

"You are sooooo 'grazed!'"

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"I'd love to talk. I'm on a train!"

'I'm having trouble with drinking. . . I'm getting Arthritis in my elbow.'

"I was like 'OMG,' and she was all 'No way', and I was like 'Yes, way', and she was...uh-oh, gotta run."

Well look, I'm afraid I really must run...

"Can you believe English isn't the official language here?"

"BOL means Barking Out Loud."

'The only reason I come to work in the office now is to talk about sports.'

"No problem, B. J. I can talk and baste at the same time."

Desert Island Gossipping

"They said it had a V-8, so I assumed it would run on tomato juice!"

"Doctor, I find you very easy to talk to."

'No, I don't like them, their shirts make me look fat.'

'I tell you what: Mistress' lap was so much more comfortable before she started her diet...'

New Space Shuttle Mission: Deployment of the First Orbiting Telemarketer

MAN OF THE YEAR, 'You must come here a lot.'

"We had him neutered,"

"This is the wine talking."

'I accidentally sent this week's data charts to the 3-D printer.'