Beach Chatter Pillows

Desert Island Gossipping

'One more for me an Tiffany, and one more for you and the road.'

"Like you, I'm a bit of a glutton, but I need to monitor my food intake otherwise I could be too heavy to fly..."

"It's my wife - she's trying to lure ships to their doom!"

Death chatting in a pub - "The scythe?...Oh that went years ago. I've got a brand new combine harvester in the car park!"

'A packet o' crisps, and have one for yersel'.'

'Please don't encourage them: Stop trying to communicate with them...'

'I wish somebody would say something.'

A Stray Curmudgeon in a Field of Perennial Optimists.

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"Want to come over Sunday, watch the game, and help me start dreading Monday?"

'I'm having trouble with drinking. . . I'm getting Arthritis in my elbow.'

"Everyone's so nosy. They act like they want to be left along, but they're always nonchalantly eavesdropping on everyone else....some more nonchalantly than others."

'Now his mother's gone, she's nowhere to slink off to and watch tripe on t'telly!

'I am wearing my bikini!'

Business Vacation.

'The bar's famous for its high spirits.'

MAN OF THE YEAR, 'You must come here a lot.'

"They said it had a V-8, so I assumed it would run on tomato juice!"

"Omigod, you have such a cute smile!"

"Doctor, I find you very easy to talk to."

'No, I don't like them, their shirts make me look fat.'

Ramblers Association

'I've never been superstitious...touch wood'

"Wine improves with age."

"I put an olive in my beer and turn it into a health drink."

Sure, she could talk the talk, but couldn't walk the walk, shock the jock, lock the dock or even hawk a little sunblock.

'She's always got to go one better.' (Two catty ladies knitting, talking about the other lady at a loom).

'How's it hangin'?'

You're a smooth talker, but you have no lips. Sadly, you have the gift of gab, but not the gift of gob. Bar.

"Wow, that was short. You only talked for 45 minutes. What happened?"

Man falling out of a bathing machine

'Did you know that they can listen in to our telephone conversations?'

'We found it washed up on the beach and thought it would make a nice water feature.'

The only time sparks flew on my date with this guy was when the muffler shook loose from his junky car.