Outdoor Chatter Pillows

Ramblers Association

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

"I could have been a big celebrity but for my fear of public speaking."

'Dog got your clog?'

One giant bark for dogkind.

Death chatting in a pub - "The scythe?...Oh that went years ago. I've got a brand new combine harvester in the car park!"

'A packet o' crisps, and have one for yersel'.'

'Please don't encourage them: Stop trying to communicate with them...'

Two men jogging past one another trying to get as many words in as possible.

'Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?'

"You are sooooo 'grazed!'"

"Want to come over Sunday, watch the game, and help me start dreading Monday?"

Man talking to a tree.

'Now his mother's gone, she's nowhere to slink off to and watch tripe on t'telly!

'Thank you for calling the bullpen,,, To continue in English, Press one,,,'

"BOL means Barking Out Loud."

Desert Island Gossipping

"Doctor, I find you very easy to talk to."

If there are eclipses of the sun and eclipses of the moon, how come there are never any eclipses of the earth? Can we continue this tomorrow? It's getting dark.

Tweet

"Omigod, you have such a cute smile!"

"They said it had a V-8, so I assumed it would run on tomato juice!"

"Now, if New York were sunny and bright like Colorado, then that would be another story."

'I really don't miss the water cooler.'

'This looks like a really hot piece of gossip, Edna!'

'I've never been superstitious...touch wood'

'How's it hangin'?'

The only time sparks flew on my date with this guy was when the muffler shook loose from his junky car.

Lou's Barber Shop Discussions

"We seem to have a lot more time together since George started working from home."

'That's it now, Mrs. Baines - see you in the New Year!'

'Anyway. It's been nice, but I can't stand here chatting all day.'

'Let's go somewhere where we can text each other.'