Pet Chatter Pillows

"Well I got a dog because I wanted to spend more time brushing hair off my clothes, and picking up poop."

I've found you can say anything you like to them, as long as you're wagging your tail.

Get out of the way, Harold - I'm trying to talk to Cuddles.

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

"Give her some space! She's overdosing on baby talk!"

'Thanks mum, it's just what I always wanted!'

Dog Training.

Dogs texting each other emojis

"I could have been a big celebrity but for my fear of public speaking."

Phone solicitors like customers who are afraid to hang up.

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

Hot Line

'Are you in here tonight?'

Their flirtation ground to a halt when she heard his dog-talking voice.

'From the Mouth of Arthur Baskin.'

"You're not fooling me. I can spot 'fake mews'."

'I'm asking for a transfer to California because that's where you get the really good stuff.'

Bertie Wooster type teaching a parrot to talk

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

'Sorry, what was that?'

"You are sooooo 'grazed!'"

"I was like 'OMG,' and she was all 'No way', and I was like 'Yes, way', and she was...uh-oh, gotta run."

"I'd love to talk. I'm on a train!"

"I can actually hear you thinking about food."

"I actually know more commands than I respond to."

Well look, I'm afraid I really must run...

"BOL means Barking Out Loud."

"No problem, B. J. I can talk and baste at the same time."

'Up until now I thought all your questions were rhetorical.'

'I tell you what: Mistress' lap was so much more comfortable before she started her diet...'

"We had him neutered,"

New Space Shuttle Mission: Deployment of the First Orbiting Telemarketer

"I have to go out for a few hours, and don't give me any attitude about it."