Pet Chatter Prints

"Well I got a dog because I wanted to spend more time brushing hair off my clothes, and picking up poop."

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

'Thanks mum, it's just what I always wanted!'

"Give her some space! She's overdosing on baby talk!"

Dog Training.

Dogs texting each other emojis

"I could have been a big celebrity but for my fear of public speaking."

Phone solicitors like customers who are afraid to hang up.

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

'From the Mouth of Arthur Baskin.'

'Are you in here tonight?'

"You're not fooling me. I can spot 'fake mews'."

Hot Line

Bertie Wooster type teaching a parrot to talk

Their flirtation ground to a halt when she heard his dog-talking voice.

'I'm asking for a transfer to California because that's where you get the really good stuff.'

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

"You are sooooo 'grazed!'"

'Sorry, what was that?'

"I actually know more commands than I respond to."

"I'd love to talk. I'm on a train!"

"I can actually hear you thinking about food."

Well look, I'm afraid I really must run...

"BOL means Barking Out Loud."

"No problem, B. J. I can talk and baste at the same time."

'Up until now I thought all your questions were rhetorical.'

New Space Shuttle Mission: Deployment of the First Orbiting Telemarketer

'I tell you what: Mistress' lap was so much more comfortable before she started her diet...'

'Every friend is a potential security breach.'

"We had him neutered,"

"I have to go out for a few hours, and don't give me any attitude about it."