Canine Chatter Pillows

"The people upstairs are talking about us. We should bark them another opera."

"Lenny?" "Darrell?"

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

"At least you don’t need a wetsuit."

'Thanks mum, it's just what I always wanted!'

"… She's simply asking that you no longer refer to her as 'the dog.'"

"I've had 720 children. I hope they're all doing well."

"I could have been a big celebrity but for my fear of public speaking."

Phone solicitors like customers who are afraid to hang up.

"Well I got a dog because I wanted to spend more time brushing hair off my clothes, and picking up poop."

Bertie Wooster type teaching a parrot to talk

'I'm asking for a transfer to California because that's where you get the really good stuff.'

"You're not fooling me. I can spot 'fake mews'."

'Are you in here tonight?'

Their flirtation ground to a halt when she heard his dog-talking voice.

'Sorry, what was that?'

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

"You are sooooo 'grazed!'"

"I'd love to talk. I'm on a train!"

"I can tell he likes me because he keeps butt-dialing me."

Well look, I'm afraid I really must run...

"BOL means Barking Out Loud."

"No problem, B. J. I can talk and baste at the same time."

"Speaking personally, I haven't had my day, and I've never met any dog who has."

That's right: Not only are we 'Man's best friend', but a lot of people are allergic to cats...

New Space Shuttle Mission: Deployment of the First Orbiting Telemarketer

"They said it had a V-8, so I assumed it would run on tomato juice!"

"We had him neutered,"

'I tell you what: Mistress' lap was so much more comfortable before she started her diet...'

"This is the wine talking."

'I'll call you back. I'm sleepwalking!'

"You'll have to speak up. I'm very loud in here."

'Hi Hon, just calling to let you know I'm on my way home.'