Canine Conversations Pillows

"Wow, you're right. That is a serious flea infestation!"

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

"When I first arrived, Young Master was always with me and Old Master didn't want anything to do with me, nor it's the opposite: Go figure..."

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

"Lenny?" "Darrell?"

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

"Are you happy with your current ball?"

"Then he suggested we go to a leash optional beach."

"At least you don’t need a wetsuit."

"Give it up—Frisbee is your game."

"… She's simply asking that you no longer refer to her as 'the dog.'"

"I just don't get it, they don't do it themselves, so why do they insist on us sitting before crossing the road?"

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

"I'm not a mad dog. But I'm not particularly happy either."

If dogs were psychiatrists.

Dog and man on couch

"I can remember when he used to try to tell us things."

"He's sending an instant message."

"I'd love to stay and chat but I just heard a silent dog whistle."

"The way I see it, microchipping is an invasion of our privacy!"

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

"Really? Everyone we hang out with we also met through our puppies."

"My Instagram feed is basically people, dog food and tennis balls."

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

'Enough of my tapeworm - tell me about your fleas.'

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

'I like this shampoo. It says here: 'Not tested on animals'!'

"I'm about ready to forgive the French."

"What happened to what cat?"

"Say something like 'Bow-wow' or 'Arf-arf' and you'll really break them up."