Canine Communication Pillows

"… She's simply asking that you no longer refer to her as 'the dog.'"

"Ok, Eddie, here she comes. Just relax, play it cool, and let her sniff your butt first."

"Lenny?" "Darrell?"

"It get it – you're hungry."

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"When I first arrived, Young Master was always with me and Old Master didn't want anything to do with me, nor it's the opposite: Go figure..."

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

"They communicate through clicks and taps."

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"You don't whisper anymore."

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

'Sometimes, I wonder if Master realizes we are dogs: He always says 'good boy, good boy'...'

"I have no thumbs."

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

"Have you tried biting him?"

Pet psychic -- yup, she's for real.

"I think it loves us."

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"Hold that thought, my love. I'm listening – I just need to pee on those daylilies."

"Yes, that's the tree with all the squirrels from yesterday. And no, I don't know where they are today."

"Oh, she talk a lot...but only about her children."

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).