Canine Communication Pillows

"… She's simply asking that you no longer refer to her as 'the dog.'"

"Ok, Eddie, here she comes. Just relax, play it cool, and let her sniff your butt first."

"Lenny?" "Darrell?"

"It get it – you're hungry."

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

"When I first arrived, Young Master was always with me and Old Master didn't want anything to do with me, nor it's the opposite: Go figure..."

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

"They communicate through clicks and taps."

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

"You don't whisper anymore."

"I have no thumbs."

'Sometimes, I wonder if Master realizes we are dogs: He always says 'good boy, good boy'...'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

I sometimes feel spotted, but I never really feel seen.

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

"Have you tried biting him?"

I've found you can say anything you like to them, as long as you're wagging your tail.

Pet psychic -- yup, she's for real.

"I think it loves us."

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"Oh, she talk a lot...but only about her children."

"Hold that thought, my love. I'm listening – I just need to pee on those daylilies."