Dog Communication Buff Pillows

"YAP YAP YAP YAwaiit a second. Has he been saying 'fetch' this whole time? I thought he wanted me to 'kvetch'."

"It get it – you're hungry."

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

"When I first arrived, Young Master was always with me and Old Master didn't want anything to do with me, nor it's the opposite: Go figure..."

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

"They communicate through clicks and taps."

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

"I have no thumbs."

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

"You don't whisper anymore."

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

"Lenny?" "Darrell?"

'Sometimes, I wonder if Master realizes we are dogs: He always says 'good boy, good boy'...'

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

I've found you can say anything you like to them, as long as you're wagging your tail.

Pet psychic -- yup, she's for real.

"My master's vowel hyperarticulation is wearing a bit thin..."

"Have you tried biting him?"

"I think it loves us."

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"Yes, that's the tree with all the squirrels from yesterday. And no, I don't know where they are today."

"Hold that thought, my love. I'm listening – I just need to pee on those daylilies."

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).