Canine Communication Connoisseur Pillows

"Let's stop pretending we understand the English setters and just turn on the subtitles."

'I know you're really proud, dear. But, don't you think people might think you're bragging?'

"And, when the DNA test results arrived, the woman realized her so-called 'little terrier mix' had been part German shepherd all along."

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

Dialogue

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'

"When I first arrived, Young Master was always with me and Old Master didn't want anything to do with me, nor it's the opposite: Go figure..."

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

"Lenny?" "Darrell?"

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

'Or we could just ask her what kind of dog it is.'

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

'Sometimes, I wonder if Master realizes we are dogs: He always says 'good boy, good boy'...'

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

'Why don't you try seeing it from your point of view?'

"Have you tried biting him?"

"It probably got lost in the voice mail."

"Oh! It's you! I was expecting the machine."

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

'Another blond hair! You've been making a lot of night calls lately...'

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"I feel like I don’t even know my own husband ... and it’s driving me wild!"

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

"Miss Duxbury, put me through to someone."

Two men toting a dog in a carriage by foot, while the dog sticks his head out the window.