Animal Talk Pillows

"At least you don’t need a wetsuit."

"It get it – you're hungry."

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

"They communicate through clicks and taps."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

"I have no thumbs."

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"You don't whisper anymore."

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

"Could you tell me how to get to cedar grove, New Jersey? I want to see where my grandfather was born."

Pet psychic -- yup, she's for real.

"I've never had a bird's eye view of anything."

I've found you can say anything you like to them, as long as you're wagging your tail.

"I think it loves us."

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"Yes, that's the tree with all the squirrels from yesterday. And no, I don't know where they are today."

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

"Hold that thought, my love. I'm listening – I just need to pee on those daylilies."

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

"Oh, she talk a lot...but only about her children."

ONE HORSE TOWN

"And here is the very stone that finally enabled us to figure out what all those dogs and cats were saying."

"Are you happy with your current ball?"

'I'm having a bad whisker day.'

Dogs Must Be On A Leash.

"Obviously, I can't fly like you, but if you teach me, I can probably sing like you..."

The bluebird of passive-aggressiveness

'Quotes, woof, woof, woof, woof, closed quotes.'