Canine Chatter Gifts

"The people upstairs are talking about us. We should bark them another opera."

"Lenny?" "Darrell?"

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

"At least you don’t need a wetsuit."

'Thanks mum, it's just what I always wanted!'

"I've had 720 children. I hope they're all doing well."

"… She's simply asking that you no longer refer to her as 'the dog.'"

"I could have been a big celebrity but for my fear of public speaking."

Phone solicitors like customers who are afraid to hang up.

"Well I got a dog because I wanted to spend more time brushing hair off my clothes, and picking up poop."

Their flirtation ground to a halt when she heard his dog-talking voice.

Bertie Wooster type teaching a parrot to talk

"You're not fooling me. I can spot 'fake mews'."

'Are you in here tonight?'

'I'm asking for a transfer to California because that's where you get the really good stuff.'

'Sorry, what was that?'

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

"You are sooooo 'grazed!'"

"I was like 'OMG,' and she was all 'No way', and I was like 'Yes, way', and she was...uh-oh, gotta run."

"I can tell he likes me because he keeps butt-dialing me."

A doctor without borders meets a free range chicken.

"I'd love to talk. I'm on a train!"

Well look, I'm afraid I really must run...

"BOL means Barking Out Loud."

"No problem, B. J. I can talk and baste at the same time."

"Speaking personally, I haven't had my day, and I've never met any dog who has."

That's right: Not only are we 'Man's best friend', but a lot of people are allergic to cats...

"They said it had a V-8, so I assumed it would run on tomato juice!"

New Space Shuttle Mission: Deployment of the First Orbiting Telemarketer

"We had him neutered,"

'I tell you what: Mistress' lap was so much more comfortable before she started her diet...'

"This is the wine talking."

'I'll call you back. I'm sleepwalking!'

"You'll have to speak up. I'm very loud in here."