Beachy Office Banter Gifts

'The pay's good and the fresh air is great but, man, talk about a hostile work environment!'

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

Trays on desk read, 'Here', 'There' and, 'Neither here nor there.'

"I'm overpaid and underworked, but you don't see me complaining!"

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

'I hate bloody football! It's just a bunch of over-rated, overpaid nancy boys kicking a b-' - 'Genuine football fans may leave work early to avoid missing the start of important World Cup fixtures.' - 'C'mon England!'

"I hear you may do a baby."

"When you're nailing the numbers, they don't ask questions."

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

'Is that the smell of fear? Or is it just Meatloaf Monday in the cafeteria?'

'It's signed by the entire office. You're not too popular areound here, are you?'

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

'Your advert didn't say anything about intelligence... it said you wanted a manager!'

"I had considered hyphenating my last name, but now I'm leaning towards and underscore."

"Which 'ism' am I this week, Ms. Trotter?"

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

"Got your e-mail and the answer is yes, I can pass you the stapler."

Pig and chicken asking for milk from cow, who replies: 'Sorry, I already gave at the office.'

'The boss is just a carrier - he doesn't get panic attacks, he just gives panic attacks!'

"Julie...would you cancel my 4 o'clock please...?"

"Like you, I'm a bit of a glutton, but I need to monitor my food intake otherwise I could be too heavy to fly..."

"Until we get more employees to join, we'll just have to roll with the paunches."

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

' And just when you thought it couldn't get any worse...'

'Have a great day, but not at my expense.'

Isn't that a surveillance camera?

'Seems like everyday is bring your work to work day.'

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

"I hope your day is going bad."

'I want you guys to be aware that a dog-eat-dog environment works for me.'

"I have the kids Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. She has them Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Thursday they're free-range.

"I'm leaving Friday and we are all going to the club after work. Will you come?"

"I miss the old water cooler."

'If looks could sue, eh, Walt?'