Baseball Jester Gifts

"Your parole office says you're throwing too close to the batters' heads."

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

A woman takes a pterodactyl on a run.

Beer Order

Women in a cross country race

A baby in court

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

You make me feel more like a veterinarian than a psychiatrist, Al. Why is that, Dr. Kapuchnik? Because you're one sick puppy.

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

'No, no. I told you to look for a precedent.'

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

Martial Arts

"Your honor, we were having so much fun being sequestered, we forgot what the defendant is charged with."

"Can you hold on a sec? I just have to condemn this guy to death real quick."

"I don't plead."

Disorder in the Court!

"...And now show us what you said."

"These days, I'm mostly just legislating from the couch."

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'...How can I trust you to handle multimillion-dollar accounts if you can't even spin a basketball on your fingertip?'

"My client pleads not guilty, by reason that everyone else is doing it."

Show Jumping Tantrums

"How was I supposed to know she was allergic?"

'Considering my student debt, I felt it prudent to specialize in bankruptcy law,'

"Guilty times infinity."

'Your honor, the defense would like to buy a vowel!'

'During discovery we found five more things to bill about.'

'Is he taking the piss?'