Banking Insider Gifts

"You have reached our 800 number. . . . If you are a preferred account, please dial B-I-G-S-H-O-T now. . . . If you are an ordinary account, dial J-O-E-B-L-O-W now. . . . If you have a service complaint, dial G-E-T-L-O-S-T now."

"Yes, I did rob you last week but I have to work harder now that the worth of the economy has been reduced by 25 percent."

'On yer bike!'

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

You can breed these if the environment is right.

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

"Nice work on that German contract. You've made your mark, Ashworth."

Bank cashier sits near sign: 'Please do not ask for credit, as refusal often offends'.

'...and this time Gerald, don't refer to the RBS as the Ripoff Bonus Scheme!'

"I don't like the look of this."

"These few weeks off school have convinced me that I'm definitely a stay-at-home kid."

"We do have faith but I'm afraid our policy is still not to accept Bitcoin."

"Don't worry! He's totally changed..."

Spanish bank needs propping up.

"I rob from the poor and give to the rich."

"I said freeze, punk, I didn't mean literally!"

'I love it when you talk big bucks, Mr. Williams.'

'Bob was eventually arrested and charged with outsider trading.'

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

Big Loan, Little Deposit Bank

"Squawk! Interest rates are going negative!"

World-Wide Bank: Economic crisis lands in the in-tray.

Offshore tax havens.

"Really? You'd like to be part of this?"

"Son, you're old enough now to learn about something we call 'compliance'...."

'Wouldn't it be easier if the banks simply merged with the Inland Revenue?'

"...And for anyone who forgot to bring something for the collection..."

Deposits insured by the U.S. Government (which has a $4.2 trillion debt).

Freddie Mac and Fannie May takeover

"I'm afraid with your income I couldn't possibly approve a loan of that size. Would you like a list of our approved loan sharks?"

"Good morning - I'm from your bank. We'd like our house back please!"

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'