Banking Insider Gifts

"You have reached our 800 number. . . . If you are a preferred account, please dial B-I-G-S-H-O-T now. . . . If you are an ordinary account, dial J-O-E-B-L-O-W now. . . . If you have a service complaint, dial G-E-T-L-O-S-T now."

"Yes, I did rob you last week but I have to work harder now that the worth of the economy has been reduced by 25 percent."

'On yer bike!'

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

You can breed these if the environment is right.

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

'...and this time Gerald, don't refer to the RBS as the Ripoff Bonus Scheme!'

Bank cashier sits near sign: 'Please do not ask for credit, as refusal often offends'.

"I don't like the look of this."

"Nice work on that German contract. You've made your mark, Ashworth."

"Don't worry! He's totally changed..."

"We do have faith but I'm afraid our policy is still not to accept Bitcoin."

"These few weeks off school have convinced me that I'm definitely a stay-at-home kid."

'I love it when you talk big bucks, Mr. Williams.'

"I said freeze, punk, I didn't mean literally!"

Spanish bank needs propping up.

"I rob from the poor and give to the rich."

'Bob was eventually arrested and charged with outsider trading.'

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

Big Loan, Little Deposit Bank

World-Wide Bank: Economic crisis lands in the in-tray.

"Squawk! Interest rates are going negative!"

Offshore tax havens.

"Really? You'd like to be part of this?"

"Son, you're old enough now to learn about something we call 'compliance'...."

'Wouldn't it be easier if the banks simply merged with the Inland Revenue?'

"I'm afraid with your income I couldn't possibly approve a loan of that size. Would you like a list of our approved loan sharks?"

Deposits insured by the U.S. Government (which has a $4.2 trillion debt).

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

"...And for anyone who forgot to bring something for the collection..."

Bank. Moving Co. Joe got an apartment above the bank. He moved his things in today. Now he can say his "assets are over ten million dollars"!

Freddie Mac and Fannie May takeover

'Sheesh... I wish the government would handle the finance reform a bit more discreetly...'