Banking Industry Observer Gifts

Growth Measurements - Too big to fix?

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

'Yes, we have a very diversified economy around here.'

Big Loan, Little Deposit Bank

Bribes.

"Trump's election has certainly thrown the cat amongst the pigeons... The only way we'll get through it is to embrace this new world, develop our business strategy around it! So the plan is to build a betterer business, a beautiful business... One where i

Made redundant from Honda please help

"Thank God your mother didn't live to see what you've become."

'There's a conglomerate of malcontents here to see you, sir.'

"You have reached our 800 number. . . . If you are a preferred account, please dial B-I-G-S-H-O-T now. . . . If you are an ordinary account, dial J-O-E-B-L-O-W now. . . . If you have a service complaint, dial G-E-T-L-O-S-T now."

'All those in favor of standing and giving me a slow clap...'

"Nigel - set up a New York Office and have them ring me back immediately.."

"Well you're obviously very good at your job so why don't we promote you to something you know nothing about!"

Short Memories

Distancing with the Stars

'Would you believe that I lost my job just because the banking regulatory authority said that I'm too greedy??!'

'Everyone is Economizing.'

Bow first.

'Can't give you a raise. How about a fancy new title?'

'Well, here's your answer, Schluman. How can I possible promote you to district sales manager if you can't even palm a basketball?'

"Your Christmas bonus was that I didn't fire you!"

'And finally, on these wage demands I give no quarter; a dime is my last offer.'

'Before you go Sir, the staff have the right to know the business's economic situation.'

'On yer bike!'

"I like to think of myself as a nice guy. Naturally, sometimes you have to step on a few faces."

'I've searched far and wide for someone like you. Welcome aboard, scapegoat.'

Big Oil Destroys the World

'What do you call it when you go to war for oil?' 'Sheikonomics?'

Foreclosed

The Sequel is Coming

'One positive note - the false economy still seems to be holding its own.'

'It's nothing personal, Simkins - redundancies have hit all departments!'

"Soooo, which one of us will be the sacrificial lamb THIS week."