Business Insiders Gifts

"Let's just issue last year's annual report and see if anyone notices."

"Will you two stop giggling every time I say 'assets'?"

"I'm woried that our company motto makes us look shifty."

Man about executive: 'Success went to his head. There was plenty of room there.'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"These few weeks off school have convinced me that I'm definitely a stay-at-home kid."

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

Supermarket Merge

"Really? You'd like to be part of this?"

"Son, you're old enough now to learn about something we call 'compliance'...."

Fiscal cliff

'Our ratings are down. Let's blame it on the media.'

"I feel that what would really give your next album a major boost would be some kind of well-publicized personal problem."

'The global economy supplies basic tools. A lot of us get the axe.'

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."

'These are our projected profits as capitalism self-destructs.'

"My lawyer doesn't trust my agent who doesn't trust the director who doesn't trust the screenwriter who doesn't trust me. All perfectly normal."

'Do you want to talk to the man in charge or the woman that knows what's going on?'

'I was trying to predict future market trends and the computer blew up!'

"The aspirin there is your medical benefit and here is your vision benefit."

'The music business.'

"You have reached our 800 number. . . . If you are a preferred account, please dial B-I-G-S-H-O-T now. . . . If you are an ordinary account, dial J-O-E-B-L-O-W now. . . . If you have a service complaint, dial G-E-T-L-O-S-T now."

The Unbearableness of Being Inanimate

"You know how to whistle don't you Steve, you just put your lips together and blow. . . but I wouldn't recommend it."

'This thing is dangerous! -- invent fire and burn it up!'

"By God, you're not a man who's afraid to fail."

"Great work on the annual report, John. It's fact-driven, yet delightfully unencumbered by reality!"

'We've decided to call off our go-slow.'

"When I was young, music and lyrics were important! Now it's all about production...it's all jiggly butts, smoke, sexy clothes and crazy videos!"

"Surprisingly, it's not in reverse order."

"Manufacturing will take place in China, R&D in Korea, customer support will be run from Mumbai and logistics handled in Vietnam."

Merchant Bankers - Patience is a virtue, anyone displaying it will be dismissed

'Acme Meat - meat products, bi-products, and bi-product spinoffs...'

"I guess the German takeover was successful."