Business World Insider Gifts

"Welcome to the corporate world, Son. Now go hit on J.T.'s wife and check the scampi."

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

'It says our line printer is obsolete our remote terminal is obsolete, and I'm afraid, we're obsolete.'

'I'm still employed, but to save on utility costs, they offshored me.'

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

Supermarket Merge

Bribes.

"Son, you're old enough now to learn about something we call 'compliance'...."

'Our ratings are down. Let's blame it on the media.'

"I feel that what would really give your next album a major boost would be some kind of well-publicized personal problem."

'And this is Bert, our intern. He's been with the company for 46 years!'

"Trump's election has certainly thrown the cat amongst the pigeons... The only way we'll get through it is to embrace this new world, develop our business strategy around it! So the plan is to build a betterer business, a beautiful business... One where i

"Thank God your mother didn't live to see what you've become."

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."

'These are our projected profits as capitalism self-destructs.'

'The global economy supplies basic tools. A lot of us get the axe.'

"At least we no longer have the pressure of handling so much money."

"Will you two stop giggling every time I say 'assets'?"

"My lawyer doesn't trust my agent who doesn't trust the director who doesn't trust the screenwriter who doesn't trust me. All perfectly normal."

'The music business.'

"You have reached our 800 number. . . . If you are a preferred account, please dial B-I-G-S-H-O-T now. . . . If you are an ordinary account, dial J-O-E-B-L-O-W now. . . . If you have a service complaint, dial G-E-T-L-O-S-T now."

"You know how to whistle don't you Steve, you just put your lips together and blow. . . but I wouldn't recommend it."

"Well you're obviously very good at your job so why don't we promote you to something you know nothing about!"

'All those in favor of standing and giving me a slow clap...'

"Unfortunately, Whitcomb, I am suffering from compassion fatigue."

The Unbearableness of Being Inanimate

'We've decided to call off our go-slow.'

"When I was young, music and lyrics were important! Now it's all about production...it's all jiggly butts, smoke, sexy clothes and crazy videos!"

"Nigel - set up a New York Office and have them ring me back immediately.."

"Great work on the annual report, John. It's fact-driven, yet delightfully unencumbered by reality!"

Man about executive: 'Success went to his head. There was plenty of room there.'

"Surprisingly, it's not in reverse order."

"Now we'll all close our eyes and cover our ears, and the person who took the four hundred and twenty-eight million dollars will put it back."

Merchant Bankers - Patience is a virtue, anyone displaying it will be dismissed