Insider's Insider Gifts

"These few weeks off school have convinced me that I'm definitely a stay-at-home kid."

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"National security adviser"

Lesser known greek gods,

'Sorry, Marx, but your writing ability doesn't meet our needs.'

"Hold everything! I just thought up a terrific loophole!"

'If you have to ask, you can't afford it.'

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

Supermarket Merge

"Dad, why does a huge beast like that let such a small bully control it?"

"Son, you're old enough now to learn about something we call 'compliance'...."

'Our ratings are down. Let's blame it on the media.'

"I feel that what would really give your next album a major boost would be some kind of well-publicized personal problem."

Fiscal cliff

'The global economy supplies basic tools. A lot of us get the axe.'

Elon Musk upset that 'X'is still referred to as 'Twitteer'.

"Will you two stop giggling every time I say 'assets'?"

"My lawyer doesn't trust my agent who doesn't trust the director who doesn't trust the screenwriter who doesn't trust me. All perfectly normal."

'I know the Oval Office is in the West Wing. I wonder what mischief goes on in the East Wing?'

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."

"It's part of a deal I worked out with the I.R.S."

'You're going to stitch me up in this interview aren't you?'

The Filibuster.

'The music business.'

"Great work on the annual report, John. It's fact-driven, yet delightfully unencumbered by reality!"

"Surprisingly, it's not in reverse order."

"When I was young, music and lyrics were important! Now it's all about production...it's all jiggly butts, smoke, sexy clothes and crazy videos!"

'We've decided to call off our go-slow.'

The Unbearableness of Being Inanimate

"That's not how I had hoped they would promote my novel."

'I'm afraid we only publish A list celebrity cookbooks.'