Interview Insiders Gifts

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

Lesser known greek gods,

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

Do you have any other skills?

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

'Your CV says in your last job you were responsible for...'

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"I believe you'll like our company. We pay our employees time and a fifth."

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'Cat job interviews.'

'Make up your mind, pal - there are plenty of other fish who'd give their gills for this job.'