Company Insider Gifts

'If there is office politics going on, then lets make sure the incumbents stay in power.'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"National security adviser"

"These few weeks off school have convinced me that I'm definitely a stay-at-home kid."

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

"Hold everything! I just thought up a terrific loophole!"

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

Supermarket Merge

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

"Really? You'd like to be part of this?"

"Son, you're old enough now to learn about something we call 'compliance'...."

"I feel that what would really give your next album a major boost would be some kind of well-publicized personal problem."

'Our ratings are down. Let's blame it on the media.'

'Due to cutbacks on your insurance plan, your visits to Dr. Phil are no longer covered. You'll have to start seeing Physician's Assistant Phil.'

Mega Pharmaceuticals Legal Dept. What if we claim a generic knockoff of our miracle drug is blasphemous?

'The Parkinson would be good PR, but should I wear the hair shirt or the sackcloth and ashes?'

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."

"It's part of a deal I worked out with the I.R.S."

'The global economy supplies basic tools. A lot of us get the axe.'

"Will you two stop giggling every time I say 'assets'?"

"My lawyer doesn't trust my agent who doesn't trust the director who doesn't trust the screenwriter who doesn't trust me. All perfectly normal."

'You're going to stitch me up in this interview aren't you?'

'I was trying to predict future market trends and the computer blew up!'

'The music business.'

"Your health is so good, I'm going to recommend your insurance company pay you for the privilege of coverage."

'I stopped paying attention to polls since a poll showed voters prefer someone who ignores the polls.'

"You know how to whistle don't you Steve, you just put your lips together and blow. . . but I wouldn't recommend it."

"When I was young, music and lyrics were important! Now it's all about production...it's all jiggly butts, smoke, sexy clothes and crazy videos!"

'We've decided to call off our go-slow.'

"Hey, were it up to me, you'd be here for another few days, but then I'm not your insurance company."

"There's been a medical breakthrough that can help your condition. Unfortunately, you need an insurance breakthrough."

Man about executive: 'Success went to his head. There was plenty of room there.'

The Unbearableness of Being Inanimate

"Great work on the annual report, John. It's fact-driven, yet delightfully unencumbered by reality!"