Office Insider Gifts

'I knew I should have learnt more management speak!'

"Let me speak to the CEO's secretary. She's in the know."

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"National security adviser"

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

"Damn it,Frank,if I can't bully my staff, who can I bully?"

"Did you hear that that bastard McMinney has buggered of to work for Bank of America!"

"On this team we take off our jackets,but we don't loosen our ties."

'I have no one to blame but myself, for now.'

"These few weeks off school have convinced me that I'm definitely a stay-at-home kid."

"It's not downsizing—it's just that we have 976 employees who have chosen to spend more time with their families."

'I'm a fat cat in a dog-eat-dog world.'

"You would be perfect if you weren't you!"

"Hold everything! I just thought up a terrific loophole!"

"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."

My husband doesn´t understand you.

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

'See Dick sleep on job. See Dick get fired.'

"I know this is just my humble opinion, but it's backed by the most comprehensive rumor, gossip and speculation this office can provide!"

"Son, you're old enough now to learn about something we call 'compliance'...."

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

'Never roll your eyes while the boss is talking.'

"I feel that what would really give your next album a major boost would be some kind of well-publicized personal problem."

"Here we use the email term 'out of the office', not 'away lazing on a Spanish beach, without a care in the world.'"

'I feel a leader should be approachable.'

"It's part of a deal I worked out with the I.R.S."

"We're streamlining efficiency by cutting the staff who we employed to improve efficiency."

"So who else is gonna be there?"

'Forget about me - what can you tell me about the new CEO coming on board?'

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'Due to cutbacks on your insurance plan, your visits to Dr. Phil are no longer covered. You'll have to start seeing Physician's Assistant Phil.'

"The defibrillators are used when someone is either having a heart attack or trying to leave early."

"Will you two stop giggling every time I say 'assets'?"