Baby's Milestone Gifts

"Try it again."

'The baby cut a tooth today.'

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

When a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

'At lone at last.'

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

'She posted her first blog today.'

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

'Baby's first two-step.'

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

One!

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

Sigh … They grow up so fast, don't they?

His first conspiracy theory...'Is it a coincidence the first time I walk, they start locking all the cupboards? I think not!'

A family trying to make a child smile for a photo

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: This is solids?

"Wait! I don't want to be disease resistant!"

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

Ogden Nash: 'Middle age is when you've met so many people, that every new person reminds you of someone else.'

First Steps

"No, it's still just a thirst for spaghettios."

"It makes you look old."

'He's my personal potty trainer.'

Eagle parenting.

Sparkler

"Charles, look! He’s sending his first text!"

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

"Ha! Now no one can call me 'old'! I just overtook a sports car!"

'He's already surfing without nappies!'

You're only young once but apparently there's no limit on childish. (Published originally on January 15, 2008.)

'They're young hares, so it's OK for them to be a bit crazy in March, but thankfully, we've grown out of that!'