Newborn Milestone Gifts

A family trying to make a child smile for a photo

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

'She posted her first blog today.'

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

His first conspiracy theory...'Is it a coincidence the first time I walk, they start locking all the cupboards? I think not!'

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

One!

Sigh … They grow up so fast, don't they?

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: This is solids?

"Wait! I don't want to be disease resistant!"

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

Ogden Nash: 'Middle age is when you've met so many people, that every new person reminds you of someone else.'

First Steps

"It makes you look old."

"Charles, look! He’s sending his first text!"

Sparkler

Eagle parenting.

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

"Ha! Now no one can call me 'old'! I just overtook a sports car!"

'They're young hares, so it's OK for them to be a bit crazy in March, but thankfully, we've grown out of that!'

You're only young once but apparently there's no limit on childish. (Published originally on January 15, 2008.)

'He's already surfing without nappies!'

'Oh look Julia, he's just text me his first word.'

'How old? He's 14 months, 3 days, 7 hours and 16 seconds... 17... 18...'

They were American tourists, visiting gay Paree...and yet this was a Mexican stand off??

"They're secret service. They appeared the day Billy decided he wanted to be president when he grew up."

'The baby cut a tooth today.'

"Worthy of an Oscar don't you think?"

"I'm too old for baby limas."

Proud parents take a photo of their potty-trained child.

Ultrasound. . . AKA: Womb Zoom

'Don't you think he's a little to young to take up fishing, Ralph?'

Haircuts