Newborn Milestone Gifts

A family trying to make a child smile for a photo

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

'She posted her first blog today.'

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

His first conspiracy theory...'Is it a coincidence the first time I walk, they start locking all the cupboards? I think not!'

"Wait! I don't want to be disease resistant!"

First Steps

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: This is solids?

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

Eagle parenting.

"Charles, look! He’s sending his first text!"

Sparkler

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

"Ha! Now no one can call me 'old'! I just overtook a sports car!"

'He's already surfing without nappies!'

'They're young hares, so it's OK for them to be a bit crazy in March, but thankfully, we've grown out of that!'

'Oh look Julia, he's just text me his first word.'

'The baby cut a tooth today.'

They were American tourists, visiting gay Paree...and yet this was a Mexican stand off??

"They're secret service. They appeared the day Billy decided he wanted to be president when he grew up."

"I'm too old for baby limas."

'How old? He's 14 months, 3 days, 7 hours and 16 seconds... 17... 18...'

Haircuts

Girl asking her little cousin what he would like for his birthday

'Don't you think he's a little to young to take up fishing, Ralph?'

Ultrasound. . . AKA: Womb Zoom