Child Milestone Gifts

'She's just done her first tweet.'

"Darling! He's walking!"

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

When a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!

"Sign my yearbook?"

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

'At lone at last.'

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

'Baby's first two-step.'

Sigh … They grow up so fast, don't they?

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

One!

"Wait! I don't want to be disease resistant!"

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

"Before you go anywhere, did you lick behind your ears?"

Ogden Nash: 'Middle age is when you've met so many people, that every new person reminds you of someone else.'

"It makes you look old."

Sparkler

'I think you're ready for the big chair...'

'We think he has a future in politics.'

Eagle parenting.

"Charles, look! He’s sending his first text!"

Dominant hand reveal party

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

'They're young hares, so it's OK for them to be a bit crazy in March, but thankfully, we've grown out of that!'

"Ha! Now no one can call me 'old'! I just overtook a sports car!"

"Our little girl has blossomed into quite the little complainer."

Jewish Hall of Nachas

You're only young once but apparently there's no limit on childish. (Published originally on January 15, 2008.)

'Jimmy made his first blog post today.'